Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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