i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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