It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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