She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
