On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
