cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
