3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize