I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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