I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize