allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
