I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
