i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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