apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
