I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
