Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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