Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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