im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
