he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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