I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
