They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we're making bets on your personal life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
