Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
