I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
