Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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