I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
