i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
