JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
