My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
