hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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