When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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