Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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