Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
