Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
