1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
