If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
