youre lurking in front of me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
