I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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