Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
