I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
