i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found your dick twin last night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize