they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
