CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
