trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
