so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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