Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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