Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
