Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
