i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
