Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
