Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
