I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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