McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
