The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize