just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
