Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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