where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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