I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
