Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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