I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
