Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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