Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
even my farts smell like vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
