Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
