I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
