Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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