Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
