I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
