nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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