I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
