Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
