Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
