See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
