Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
