I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My breasts were aching with rage.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
