the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
