i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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