Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
