Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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