Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
