I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
