i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
