OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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