i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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