I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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