The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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