now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
