one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
