he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
