I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
