Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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