your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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