Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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