Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
