Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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