I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As shirtless as possible
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
