You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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